Summer on a Sunday….
Sheesh, how long has it been this time since I have been here? Like a week? Ten days? I guess I just lose interest in blogging in the summetime months. With all the pool trips on the weekend and just being generally busy throughout the week, blogging is the last thing on my mind.
With that said - I guess it’s safe to say that much has been going on these past few weeks. And I guess it’s time that I mention some big changes that have been happening. I don’t want to get off on a rant here, so I will try to keep it short and sweet.
The first topic is that Adam and I are all done as a “couple.” Actually, when I wrote my last entry here - about how we were going to “take a step back” and all that, we had already decided to call it quits.
To be 100% honest, I did not like a few habits that I saw and I decided to quit while I was ahead. It was mutual though because he felt the same way. I decided to “tone it down” and say we were going to date because I figured that when the ex saw my entry he would start bugging me again. And I really did not want that. It didn’t work though.
When I posted that entry, it was on a Friday. My ex’s phone was not working, so after we (or rather he) talked my ear off on that Saturday - he came up here so we could go to the AT & T store together since I am the only one allowed to authorize anything on the account.
He got his SIM card changed out, and then we went and had coffee at the Mall and talked for a few hours. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. And although I am not as angry, I do not hate him like I thought I did. We ended up coming back here to watch a movie. I saw him the next day too, and we talked some more. Well, actually, he has been doing most of the talking, I have not really had much to say.
We kept in touch last week and he came here on Thursday to show me his paycheck from his job (one of our BIG issues was that he had not worked in 4 years) and then on Friday he picked me up from work and we ended up going to see some fireworks. We ended up getting into a fight Friday night, but “talked” it out. Then yesterday, we went to a little town called “Rockport” to hang out for the day. Then we went to my favorite Mexican place for dinner.
All in all I guess it was an ok weekend. He was trying, gotta give him brownie points for that.. But, I really don’t like going out on the weekends because it’s my only time that I am not working. I like spending it - doing nothing. The weekends just fly by when you are doing something. I don’t like that.
He has been really sweet though. Taking me out all this weekend. He brought a “picnic” to the fireworks for us to nibble on. We had strawberries, cheese & crackers and nuts. He bought my daughter her favorite fixins for dinner. He even went out of his way to get me some “girlie” items!
We are not back together yet. There is no way we will be back together for a good long time. We are in talk mode… whatever the hell that is. I guess it’s kinda like dating? I am still free to date others though - as is he.
But, we are trying to at least build a friendship. And if we are only ever friends then that is fine with me. We have done lots of talking. Actually, he does most of it. I am just all talked out. He has been super nice. And has explained to me a million times why he freaked out that day. I don’t really understand it, but whatever. I can try too.
I am not going to put anything into this right now because it’s just too soon to tell if he has really changed. So far, I have seen some changes. Some good and some not so good. For me though, I think I am just emotionally exhausted. It’s been a really crappy month for me. Bill wise, life wise, health wise, boyfriend wise…
I am just tired. And I don’t want to put any time or energy into anything it seems. One part of me thinks I want my ex and I to work. To form a truce, a relationship, or what have you…and the other part of me just does not want it. Wants to just say screw it all, I just don’t care.
I honestly do not know why I am so confused with this stuff. But I just do not know what I want anymore it seems. And when I try to think about it - I only get mad because I don’t want to think about it.
Well, I am ranting now - so I need to end this post. This could get me going for days on end. lol. 
