Things are a changing…
When I first started this blog, I wanted it to be many things. I wanted to make money from it. I wanted to write about my life and keep it real. I wanted to make friends and connect on a different level. So far I can say I have accomplished most of those things. I have made money. I have made great connections to some awesome people. But sadly, I have not been able to write about my "personal" happiness. without very nasty repercussions.
Warning - long post ahead.
I am currently very happy in my life. At least I was. Actually, I still am happy but for a few minor annoyances. Annoyances and irrational, immature behavior has ruined things for me. I guess it all started with my post about the new guy in my life. (which have now been made private) We had been talking for about a month when I posted about him. I was holding off because I was not sure if I should actually be posting about him. I am one of those people that hates to hurt others intentionally. Sure - if I can’t stand you…then I don’t give a rats ass. But I am constantly trying to put myself in the other persons shoes and think of what the other person might or might not be feeling.
I actually talked to a friend at work about it and she gave me some good solid advice - This is MY blog. And it is MY life. And, I am keeping it real…So why am I holding back on what is important to me? And in some ways I agree. The whole goal of this blog is to "keep it real." This is me. This is who I am. I love to write. I love to talk about the things I believe in. I love to help people learn about computers and software programs and all that stuff. And I was very happy and excited about writing about my relationship. This was and is a part of my life where I was happy. My stomach was no longer burning, my fitness was coming along, and spring was here! And I had renewed faith in relationships again!
It is unfortunate though that at this point in time, I am not going to be able to do that because my blog is now "being monitored" by my "ex." As is my Myspace account.
This past Friday the 13th was a very scary day for me. I am NOT going to get into "details" because quite honestly, my ex does not need to know any details. It’s none of his business. He does not understand that at this point though.
But I will tell you that I was scared. Very scared. So much so that I called two of my friends and gave them all the emails that were exchanged, the texts and all the necessary information they need. And I considered getting a restraining order.
Most likely, this will be a totally unnecessary step. But this is how scared I actually was.
If anything, the behavior on Friday showed me many things. The most important one being, - how much I hate relationships. How much I dislike men and their stupid games that they play. It was an ugly reminder of how awful they can be. It also reminded me why we broke it off in the first place.
I spent the night tossing and turning into the wee hours. Thinking about all the things that he said to me. Wondering if I should still check into a restraining order. Wondering if I am going to need to move out of the state to be left alone. Wondering what did I do to deserve this treatment…and so on.
Some made me cry because it was and is so irrational and not like this person at all. But most of all, it brought up a lot of very hateful feelings because I just want to be left alone and that is not being respected at all.
But because I met Adam "online." my relationship has been called "fake." It is just a fantasy I am living. I am confused as to what is real. I don’t know real love. I don’t even know him….. etc. This is ok. I mean, a lot of people do not believe in "meeting online" as a way to meet people. I never use to either. That is expected. And when Adam and I do meet. It could only go one of two ways……
- Either we will still like each other as much as we do now -
- Or…..we won’t.
That’s a simple and easy thing to understand. At least I think so anyways. And if we decide to end the relationship, then we will act like adults and do so. If we decide that we do want to be together, then we will also act like adults and make plans. And in the meantime? We are just enjoying each others phone company. Learning about each other, talking and laughing and being total goofs. Where is the harm in that? When the time is right, I will start posting about my relationships again. But, you know what they say when a kid misbehaves? "Do not encourage bad behavior." My posting my relationship status is just "encouraging bad behavior." So, for the time being…It will stop. Sorry guys. 
I am pissed that I need to take this action. But it needs to be done.
June 15th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
maybe you can move your blog? i’m too scared to put relationship stuff out there. i blog anon for that.
Naturals last blog post..The Rise of the Freemale
Natural, Nope…I am NOT moving it. This is my blog. I intended for this blog to be about me and my life. Unfortunately, breaking up was a part of it. I am just not going to give him the fuel anymore.
June 15th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
Damn, and I came here to see how you been T…
If you ever need to talk, you know where to reach me!
Jay
Jays last blog post..Winners of DatMoney’s “Get Traffic” Unclaimed Prizes
Jay, Thanks hun! You are very kind. I have actually been awesome! Cept for this minor glitch…lol
Will email ya this week sometime!
June 15th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Yeah I was thinking about moving your blog and then just contacting your regular readers telling them you moved, but that sounds like a lot of hassle. You could just block his IP address from accessing your blog.
Tammys last blog post..Chick Flicks
Tammy, That is true. I forgot I could block IP addresses! Thanks for the reminder. He has since called me to apologize for his behavior. And he wanted to leave a comment saying he was sorry.Really, it has gotten outta hand. This is why I am not posting about my relationship, right now. No fuel for the fire, ya know?
June 16th, 2008 at 7:37 am
Happy Ending
Good Luck frd … and hv Fun .. Enjoy
Puneet, Well, hopefully happy ending…I seem to be best off though when I am cynical and un trusting.
June 16th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
@ The Ex - sometimes we have to deal with what ever is the out come of our actions. So if simple mindz wants to cut off all contact…don’t be surprised. Of course i don’t know all the behind the scene details…but it takes 2 for any kind of friendship to work.. Give SimpleMindz space…and let what ever happens..happen!
Enjoy
Eathans last blog post..Wine in the Moonlight
Eathan, very well said. Thanks hun.
June 19th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Hey SM… there is a reason (or more likely reason(S)) why the “ex” is an “ex”. Trust me, there are a lot of us who have been through the same hoops, some of them less scary, some of them MORE scary. I’m just glad that you are safe and I hope you remain safe.
Remember to take care of YOU (and yours) first and foremost. Your emotional, physical and mental health are more important and you gotta do what you gotta do to maintain a balance in your life.
I hate that you are going through this and if you ever want to swap war stories, I’ll knock your socks off with some of mine.
Cinnkittys last blog post..Mess w/ the Kitteh, get the … gun???
Cinn, I could NOT agree with you more. Ever heard of that book, ” It’s called a breakup…cause it’s BROKEN” I got that book on like our 3rd “breakup episode” lol. And it couldn’t be more true!
Listen lady, Email me…I would LOVE to hear some of your stories! I am kinda a private gal at work, so I don’t like to burden my coworkers with ALL my problems…And they are all HAPPY in their relationships…so I don’t wanna be a “Debbie Downer.” lol.
June 20th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I understand how you feel.I had the same exact thing happen with my ex and reading my blogs. Its odd that it don’t bother me if strangers read my blogs but when I knew my ex was following me around the internet reading my blogs and posts I made on forums it drove me nuts. I felt like I was being stalked! I didn’t feel free to say what I wanted anymore. I had to think first if I cared whether he read what I was writing and blogging became less fun. Not that I was writing anything bad anyway.
I know your ex didn’t get as bad as mine, at least I hope not but I understand how you feel.
I hope you to can be friends but if not, life goes on.
Sara, Thank you very much. I’m glad others have had nutty ex’s. It scared me because I NEVER got a reaction like that before. We always had an open relationship, so it really bogged my mind.
Makes me sad now though because I gotta be “limited” on what I post when it comes to my happiness.
June 20th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
That was supposed to say you two, not to. lol
June 21st, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Oh I am so sad that happened to you. My ex still checks up on me via my myspace and facebook pages. I actually blocked him but found out that a few of my “friends” were helping him out. It was sad when I had to block one of my friends since kindergarten from my pages but worth it in the end. I didn’t need or want that type of aggravation. Luckily my blog is sorta obscure and not too well known among my friends so any that are left and feeding him info wouldn’t think to tell him about that.
Good luck and this too will pass.
Catherines last blog post..Disney’s Camp Rock
Catherine, Thanks! I’m sure as soon as he finds himself a new chicky he will stop following my every move! It’s just a matter of waiting.
June 28th, 2008 at 3:08 am
[...] know, I wrote about how I would not be talking about Adam and I here. And for the most part I have not. But, we had [...]