Older Woman, Younger Guy?
While talking with a fellow blogger last night, we kind of briefly got into the discussion of the “older woman, younger man” relationship.
I thought this was a pretty interesting subject to talk about as I have had first hand experience with getting “hit on” by younger men. As you all know – I am 41 years old. But quite honestly, I do not look it. I can pass for probably early 30’s or so?
This happened to me twice so far. When I first left my ex in 2002 – I worked with a guy whom wanted to ask me out for a date. He even took me as far as the porch at the nursing home I worked at, sat me down and properly asked me out on a date. I thought this was extremely cute, and I gently explained to him that although he was very attractive, a wonderful guy and an all around genuine person – I just simple could not date someone who, might have gone to school with my son! He understood what I was trying to tell him and we have remained work associates to this day.
My second experience was with a cute guy at work who worked in the maintenance dept. He was a really good kid and it was absolutely adorable how I who is a super shy lady could actually make him blush.
Every morning when I arrived at work he would always make a point in saying hello and greeting me with a huge smile. We talked once in a while, and he told me he was learning English and asked me how he was doing. (think he was Brazilian)
Well, a few months later he was being promoted and told me he was leaving. I was a bit sad, because I was having fun with my harmless flirting banter back and forth. It was really refreshing for this old chick to be liked by a younger guy.
My guy friend said that I should at least try to get his phone number, or email at the very least. So on his last day I actually got the nerve up to ask him for his email addy.
He was excited as he gave it to me and I promised we would “keep in touch.” 
So, that night – I went home and I thought to myself, “he is definitely a younger guy. He told me he was 24, but I need to find out if he is being truthful.” So me, being the nosy old chick I did what I needed to do.
I went to Myspace.
I looked up his email and found his page pretty quickly. And that’s when my heart became just a bit wounded. (U)
He was was only 19.
So, here I was actually becoming friends with the kid, actually allowing the thought of hanging with him enter my mind. And he was not even as old as my OLDEST son! (whom is 22 BTW)
SCHEEETCH………………..went the brakes on that one!
It just sounded so incredibly…….wrong.
When I was talking to my two guy friends, they thought it was a super cool neat thing! It was “hot” too they said. And they saw nothing wrong with it.
Anyways, this brings me to my recent conversation I had last night.
It seems to be that the men are the ones that are OK with the idea of a older woman with a younger guy. BUT the women generally are the opposite. If you ask me it’s the “older woman, younger guy fantasy.” I just have a hard time with understanding what the two could have in common. I mean besides the obvious exceptional sexual chemistry one might have.
This piqued my interest and today I went looking. And here are the links that I found-
- This one discusses how us “older women” are put into the general category of being called “Cougars.”
And so I don’t drive you crazy with all the links -MSNBC has an article too.
And, to the right side of my blog here I have added a poll. Please take a moment to do the poll. It will run for a week and then I will post the answers to it in another post next Sunday.
And as a funny here – While I was writing this post, I was discussing this topic with my daughter whom is 17.
I said to her, “Hey you know what they call older women that go out with younger men?”
Expecting her to say, “no what?” to which I would respond, ” A cougar.”
She looked at me and said, “A pedophile?”
I just about chocked on my coffee! It was so funny!
Goes to show ya how society molds the minds huh?
Filed under: Daily Stuff
I’m not gonna lie, I have felt the same way your Brazilian flirt did. Older women know what they’re looking for and they tend to not play the bullshit games many of the 19 year-olds do. Plus, there is the recognition that a woman older than a guy almost certainly has more sexual experience and expertise. What guy wouldn’t want to learn a little something? But anyhow, continue to be flattered. You look great and take the complements as they come
joshua’s last blog post..Almighty Valentine’s Day
Joshua- Thank you very much!
. I can see what you are talking about with women being older and all that. But, at what point does it get uncomfortable? I can understand men wanting to learn a few things here and there too. But it still all seems a bit odd. I know if tables were turned and the guy was 50 and the woman say, 25. The guy would most likely be viewed as having a “mid life crisis.” lol.
Personally I prefer older men, have never really been interested in a younger guy. I dont think there is anything wrong with it and if two people have something in common that they want to spend their time together, then why not?
Mr SD and I have nearly 11 years difference between us but we rarely notice our age difference.
Ms SD
Sexy Duet’s last blog post..HNT #66
SD - I too have never gone out with anyone younger then I. But I have gone out with older guys. The OLDEST was 10 years older..I tend to follow that rule now. No more then 10 younger or older. Rules are made to be broken though, I suppose.
I gotta tell you S-M.. if it weren’t for the fact that I am so enamored with Ranger, I would have taken that hot little 22 year old Marine for a test drive and not really thought about it twice. Why the hell not?? It’s not like I would be wanting a meaningful relationship with him … just some fun. And heck.. I’d be teaching the boy a few things that hopefully, he would put to good use for women after me. So it’s a win/win situation for us all. ha..ha.ha….
Cinnkitty’s last blog post..Kitteh smellz something fishy?..
Cinn - A hot 22 year old Marine sounds awesome! I really love Marines! But, although I am not looking for a meaningful relationship, I think if I was looking, it would be *longer term.*
Is still a yummy thought though!
I love video game, wanna play? LOL!!
betshopboy’s last blog post..Super Sunday Tipoffs #5
Betshop - Sure! What would you like to play??
[...] as a guy, but I also found it interesting when I was reading the thoughts of a older woman at http://simple-mindz.net/2008/02/17/older-woman-younger-guy/ . Maybe DM-49 decided to conquer two barriers at the same time, age and race. It goes to show [...]
I find nothing wrong with older woman/ younger guy. I personally don’t have children old enough to worry about it. I don’t think about anyone 10+ years younger because I don’t have anything socially in common with them. But, if it works for you, and you’re happy… GO FOR IT!
Eathan’s last blog post..The Mystic of a Older Woman
Eathan That’s what I usually do. When I am dating. I don’t go below or above 10 years. I mean…..when you think of it what could I (a 41 year old) have in common with a 20 year old..(except the obvious)
Thanks for visiting my blog. I love yours! Your definitely don’t look 41! I’m going to add your blog to my feed reader.
Hey T,
Well, since I’m the one you had the discussion with last night, you know what I’m going to say lol…
Honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with women dating younger guys. I mean, before you knew how old he was, you were actually liking him… then you searched his profile and found his age. Then something triggered in your mind saying it’s not right.
Well, 19, maybe… but if he was like 22? Does he know you’re 41 or just a “little older” than he is?
I say go for it and see what happens!
Jay
Jay - LOL. Yup. I already know your answer to that one is
And you are correct – I bet I might have dated him if I did not search for his age! If he was 22 I still would have had to decline I think. And he knew I was 40 at the time. But, That is all in the past now. He is long gone, so honestly there is nothing to “go for.”
Jay’s last blog post..NEW Weekly Cash and EC Giveaway at DatMoney.com!
Tammy- Hey! We share the same name!! Thank you for stopping by my blog. I have yours in my RSS too!
I think there is nothing wrong if the guy is younger. Age doesn’t matter in love, right? Honestly my dad is younger than my mom, and they still stay together… for more than 20 years now
Hye
Hye’s last blog post..Is Love Selfish or SelfLess?
Hye-That is awesome that your parents are still together. How much younger is your mom to your father?
Hello.. care for an exchange links with me? Check out my blog and see if you are interested. See you there. Just drop your comment (wink)
My Sassy Mind
Sassy’s last blog post..The 24 American Idol Season 7 Finalists
Sassy-Thanks for the comment. I will check in on your blog and get back to you. If it is not done by the end of the week, please remind me.
[...] last Sunday, when I posted about older women dating younger men? I think I could be on to something [...]
[...] date older women? I asked you all to tell me what you thought about it. The first post I wrote on Feb 17th created a pretty good buzz it seemed, so I thought I should look into it a bit [...]
I am 42 and he’s 31, and i always deny that he really likes me even we’re just like soulmate
Phoenix, That’s not too bad in age. This isn’t the same guy that you mentioned in your blog I hope?
[...] the evening. Within 5 minutes, I realized she was a emotional mess. She’s normally dates younger men. Somehow the younger man offers her more energy, physically in better shape, and more sexual [...]
Well perhaps he put that he was 19 on his MySpace page ‘cos he felt 22 was getting old on that silly site! LOL. I myself have been in an ageless relationship since 2003 (my OW is old enough to be my mother, and I’m in my twenties, yet she looks way younger for her age).
It seems to me to be a common theme – OWs looking younger than their age and us YMs being emotionally and mentally more mature than some 40 or 50yy ‘mature’ men out there.
As with anything where a women might be living to the full or having similar advantage it’s a double standard. How is it that men like Hugh Hefner can sleep with 21 year old fake bimbo’s and no one thinks that’s gross? Well OK maybe they do, yet the media doesn’t play it up all the time like the did with Demi and Ashton or Elizabeth Taylor and Joan Collins.
Adamo’s last blog post..How To Network Like A Pro Online – Forbes.com
Adamo, I totally agree with you. It’s really amazing how the media is. Demi and Ashton are awesome – yet they got TONS of crap for being together. when older men get younger women, they are often congratulated – while younger men/older women are frowned upon.
Even I, would be a bit *skiddish* dating a younger guy…That might be society telling me it’s not *right.*
Or, it could also be because I have really never met a younger guy that acted mature…?
I have to say that I am perplexed about a situation that I find myself in. A couple years ago, I started talking to this guy because we have common interests. At the time I had decided to leave a very difficult marriage. I was 39 at the time and he (I later found) was 30/31. I really liked him a lot as we always had interesting conversations, etc. I know that when I told him I was probably going to be single (not because I was hitting on him but b/c I was trying to explain to him why I was trying really hard to get a good paying job in the field we’re both interested in), he walked me out to his car and drove me to mine. As he was driving me to my car, he joked that people are now going to start thinking that we were dating and I pretended to hide. He had asked me in the past if I was single or married and I had told him that I was married. I’ve since gotten divorced. He and I are still friends and feel the same about a lot of things (it has really been a platonic friendship… just talking on the phone emailing, etc even though we use to work together). I really like this guy and though I’m now 41 (going to be 42 in two days) and he is 32 (will be 33 in 2+ months) I think of him as a friend. He has told me that he doesn’t want to have to teach anyone anything and he’s told me other things that would hint at him wanting to date me but I’m not sure it’s me he’s talking about since he keeps saying that this person is a younger woman. This person really sounds a lot like me though. After we had a spirited disagreement about something, he told me that there was this younger girl that he was thinking of dating and that she was stubborn but if she’d listen, he and she would be all right. I then replied that there was this guy I like and that he was stubborn too but if he asked me to date him I would but that I wasn’t about to ask him. It seems we hint and we enjoy our talks but he knows that I just got out of a marriage and I know he told me that I would have to start dating only when i’m ready to date. He’s been very much a friend (and a godsend) but I wonder if there is more there. I can understand a 19 year old having a crush on an older woman but someone who kinda knows what they want already and are getting establish in their career… i don’t know if they would prefer an older woman to a younger one. (sorry guys… I wanted to be notified of any comments).
Radclim, Wow! That was quite a comment!! I deleted the first comment you made (duplicate) – This post should notify you of any comments that you might get…
I know just what you are talking about. Excepy my best guy friend is older than me AND he lives in Australia! But we are super close. If he and I were not so terrified to take chances, we might have tried to date a long time ago. But – we are now awesome friends and we do not want to ruin that by throwing a “relationship” in the mix. Maybe you should tell him how you feel? Or maybe say, “what do you think about…?”
Kinda approach the subject that way?
I am 45 yeras old and am in love with a guy who is 29 ….it started as fun 11 months back through one of the social networking sites and we exchanged numbers and one day i called him up …he was keen to meet me but i never told him my true age and we kept chatting on phone fr months …..i just loved talking to him and since have been very lonely it grew into love ….he said he wanted to marry me and that was the time i thought i must tell him the truth …so finally we met told him i had a kid who is 21 years old …but we had grown so attached that nothing mattered ….In India marriage is very important so finally now hes told me hes getting married and the other girl loves him and he tells me that i must change and not call him up so many times as life fr both of us will be tough once he gets married …he wants to be true to him …my feelings and emotions fr him r so strong that this thought is actually killing me …im just so scared of losing him and its affecting me mentally …..i know he also loves me but how can a man change ….i dont know what to do …i need help
Preeti, This is a very complex situation hun. I will email you tonight with my thoughts. I didn’t want to get into it here. This being a public place & all.
I am a 39 year old who met a 27 year old guy we wnet out onn one date and the chemistry is unbeliveable after being married for 17 years, I had never thought of myself the way this guy thought of me and he looked at me and said things that made me feel like i was in high school agian. After the date he called me from the car to say that the entire night was so intense he could not stand not to see me agia. After several dates and mind blowing intmacy. He said to me he wanted kids which i cannnot have and that although he was attracted to me on several levels and could see us spending a future togetther.. i was not going to be the one for him because of my age. He persued me .. i have been heart broken ever sense. not dating anyone. So ladies beware of these young guys. They can break your heart just like nayone else it only hurts more
Lisa, Sorry to hear about your relationship and the heartbreak.I think it’s not just young guys that break hearts, but also the older men too.If I were you – I would go out there and date again. There will be someone for you..
But you need to forget about him first to open your heart to another.
Hi there Guru, I am glad I pressed harder enough until I found older women dating younger men, because this post on was extremely helpful. Just last Monday I was pondering on this quite a bit.
hi
having read all on this blog, i come to realise that age aint nothing but a number. maturity counts in such a relationship. though i have never had a relationship with an older woman but have friends who enjoy one, their opinion about the relationships have been posiive. the difference is the older women know where it hurts most.
keep up the good work.
big M
Mohammed,
I gotta say, I agree with you. As a personal choice I am not sure I could actually date a super, younger guy…But if others wish to – all the power to them!
believe me this blog post… is the most helpful post that ive ever read in my entire blogging life!
yea age is nothing but a number & maturity counts. i am 28 and for some reason i dont know how and why it happen… after my 7 year (un-married / no kids) un- successful relationship… i met this wonderful guy. problem is he is 19. BUT he himself including his friends has mistaken me for havin the same age like they do which is 18-19 ( weird huh ). honestly speaking, im definitely sure that everybody will freak out as soon as every body around me finds out that he is 19. but he looks way a bit older than 19 but i dunno. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH another BIG problem is that i love him. what do i do? he is not even legal to friggen get married! o.O !!!
Hi K. Thank you very much for your comments! You are right – age is just a number. I hope it works out for you guys.
If you guys love each other – then waiting till he is able to get married should not be a problem? How old does he have to be?
You don’t have to tell his/your friends how old you guys are – it’s none of their business really.
oh yea by the way i forgot to mention that he knows im 28.
and Tammy your blog is great! keep it up
{ K }s last blog post..clueless
Thanks K !
I think it’s a fetish some of us girls have that depends on personal experience.
When I was in high school, there was this crazy girl who was horny for the youth. As in, her senior year she took a bet and deflowered a 12 year old boy from the 6th grade. I think she had mental issues, but just sayin’… happens.
Sasha, It could be. Maybe it’s just the thrill of the chase or something?
I had never dated anyone as 10 years younger until recently.I’ve found men my age not as energetic as me and also not as mentally mature.This first young guy was a mind blowing experience and great compatibility physically & mentally.He didn’t mind me being 10 years older than me though I was feeling totally like a “pedefile”. We were so attracted to eachother that we had the longest date of 3 days stuck in the snowy blizzard.He’s gone off on a trip now and don’t know if we’ll connect again.But hey! enjoy as long as we have it.It’s one of my most exciting life experience.Bottom line: Age is just a number if everything else feels good.
I’d love to be “trapped” for three days with V in a snowy blizzard..I hope you guys will be able to reconnect again…! Keep me posted. 
Moona, That sounds like an AWESOME date! lol.
Hi, I think younger guys are ok, but they just don’t always have much maturity level as the older ones do. But then again…I have never been with a younger guy, so I guess I can’t really know. lol.
I will be turning 40 in a few months and I have fallen in love with a 23 year old…we have been talking online for almost a year now, and he finally opened up and is letting me call him. He is an absolute doll and I can not get him out of my head!!! I also have another 23 year old that claims he loves me too….lol Most of my life I have been with a guy who is 17 years older than me (we are not married, just good friends), so to find a younger guy that likes me as much as I do him, it really makes you feel good and who says age has anything do with anything? It is just a NUMBER! It is all about how you feel, not about the number!
I just turned 42, am recently out of a 5-year so-so relationship and had my heart set on staying single for a while. I do look young for my age but have recently put on some extra weight and I am very self-conscious about it.
A little while ago I met a 27 year old that seems to be really into me. He knows how old I am and just says “its just a number”. I told him I didn’t think dating was a good idea, but he just keeps saying “give me a chance”. We get along great.
I am considering going out on an actual date with him but there are a few things that is holding me back…
For one, the self-image thing is a problem…”what can he possibly see in me” goes through my head. (Funny, he is the one pursuing me, but I still think it.)
I guess what I am asking is should I go for it or should I be taking this time for myself?
Michelle – I think you should go for it. It would be just a “date” and it might be fun! How bout if you guys just call it a “coffee date” or something like that? I can understand the self image thing – I have it too. But….going out just once does not mean it will blossom into a full blown relationship.. Keep me posted!
Hi Lourdes, I’m sorry – I would have answered this earlier if I knew that you left a comment! For some reason, this comment notification overlooked this comment.
I think that if you really like this guy that is pursuing you – then what does it matter what everyone else says? You are in this relationship – together, so really the only two people that matter are you and him. (and of course your son too!)
I think if you guys wanted a baby, then talk with your current Dr. about it. In today’s world, having a baby after 40 is not as “risky” as it was 20 years ago. I myself know a good amount of people that have had babies in their late 30’s early 40’s, and things went well for them.
Good luck and let me know how things work out for you!
Hello everyone! I am 39 year old woman that is being persue by a 27 year old man. He doesn’t look his age! He looks older, and I look younger than my age. I am worried about what everyone is going to say, and how he will feel about our relationship in the next 10 years. I have been divorce for 1 year after being married for 17 years. I have never dated anyone younger then me by more than 3 years, and he would like for us to have a baby. I can still have babies, but I have a 16 year old son and I am not sure if it will be safe for me to have a baby in my early 40’s because I was consider a high risk pregnancy with my son.
Thank you for this page! I hope that someone in my similar situation can advice me.
[...] too. I still get just about all my traffic from that post I did, back in Feb 2008. It was about dating a younger guy – and it actually seems like a pretty common [...]
This is awesome! I’m glad that things have worked out for you! You have a double whammy – not only the age but also the distance too. It can be hard, but you seem as though you are doing really well with it all. Kudos to you!
Well after reading this I had to reply. I just turned 32 and in the process of a divorce, and have 2 kids. I also look and act young for my age, but I am very mature and have always had a lot of responsibility in life. I am into computers and developed a friendship with a guy online. It was just work, but after time it developed into something much more. I had no idea how old he was, just that his personality was amazing. He was intelligent and charming, caring, maturity that I had not come across in life often and supportive. And he was the funniest person I had ever talked to. Well as time went by I found out he was 19. I almost walked away. But he knew how old I was and said it was just a number. We have talked through vid calls daily and have been there for each other through very difficult times in each of our lives. We live very far apart at the moment and have no idea what the future holds, but we want to give it a chance.
So ladies, stop looking at life through your parent’s eyes. Age is just a number, it really is. If you have a chance to find someone that you can truly love and be loved by, go for it. There are no guarantees in life so take a chance and look at them for who they are, and look at yourself through their eyes. You might just be amazed!