Simple-Mindz             

Tis the season.

The season for this girl to be harassed on a constant basis. The never ending questions as to “why” I do not celebrate Christmas “like everyone else.”

“So, why don’t you want to go to the Christmas party?” “Why don’t you want anything for Christmas?”

It has started once again, and I am annoyed. Annoyed because I once again feel that I have to be on the constant “defense” mode as to why I do not follow the norm.

Let’s just start with this: I am NOT a Grinch.

It’s just that my Christmases were not all that grand when I was a kid - so I learned to “detach” myself from the festivities. This was a survival mode that I had to incorporate when I was a kid. My mom, was a drunken bitch and I had to prepare myself for the fighting, the stress, the drunken stupors as the Holidays grew near.

This happens to many households, not just mine. And I am NOT trying to give excuses as to why I prefer to not get into the celebrations. I am merely trying to give facts that could possibly point to the reasons why. There are a few reasons, not just one.

Anyway- The detaching I am referring to is simply, removing myself and building up a wall. Taking away that “emotional” bond was what I had to do with myself in order to survive the Holidays. Many children in alcoholic families did that. Not just me. And now, I am an “Adult Child of an Alcoholic.”

Christmas was not a Holiday in my house. In my house it was survival course.

Being an ACOA is nothing new. When I was in counseling (for panic attacks) about 20 years ago we made that discovery. I have worked through it my entire life. And I still am. Not a big deal. But if people read it - they will be able to understand me more.

Anyway, I was able to detach myself and I became an adult that also detached too. Sure I did (and still do) put the tree up each year. I play the music and I decorate the house. My kids all know and love Christmas. They love the festivities and all that. But emotionally I am not there. But…At the same time, I cannot take and put MY own personal beliefs onto my kids. So I keep up with the charade. For them. My bf says I am a hypocrite, but I don’t believe I am. I am merely allowing my kids to enjoy the beliefs - they prefer, without imposing my own.

This causes a constant battle. Mostly at work. Because “everyone else” has the parties and loves getting the gifts each year…I am expected to enjoy getting gifts, partying it up, and doing secret santa and all that.

I personally do not like “gifts.” Give them to me anyday of the year. But Christmas? Not at Christmas. Just because the current “norm” is to give gifts at Christmas, it does not mean that I, (as a personal choice) like to get them. But…everyone thinks I should. and they think if I don’t like it, then I am strange.

My ex use to understand that. (One thing I actually did like about him. lol.)

My current BF whom loves to shop and buy things has a different idea in mind though. And this is a constant sense of annoyance. He just does not get it. It’s not his fault - he just has different beliefs.
He says that I am just a miserable bitch at Christmas. And I somewhat agree. This is partly true. I am stressed out at the thought of him buying me things “for Christmas.” He does not understand that I really would be happy - if he just did not give me anything.

So, most of the reasons why I am miserable are because he puts a great deal of stress on me, trying to be the awesome guy he is - and buy me shit! Shit which I do not ask for. Gifts which have no meaning, but are bought “because it is Christmas.”

I am happiest just sitting and watching the tree lit up at night. I am happiest when we just get to snuggle and talk. Those to me are the “meanings” of Christmas - if I may be so bold as to suggest that there are indeed “meanings.”

As for the religious aspects? There are none for me. In my household, Jesus only existed when my mother was puking up parts of her liver. Or when her crazy dyke girlfriend was suddenly trying to “repent” for beating the shit out of my mother.

And besides…Speculation suggests that Jesus was born October! And for others - it was March.

Being a witch (or actually, Pagan) I believe in Yule.

Actually, it’s not really a “belief” but an actual fact.

This is the time when the sun is furthest away from us, and then it begins to make it’s way back. This is a “Festival of lights.”

These practices, involved gift giving, tree decorating, lighting of the Yule log and all that. And when us little old Pagans would not follow the New Church (Christianity) The Christians came up with their own tradition. Which took place on Dec 25th. A few days after Yule.

But to get into the Wiccan/Pagan aspects takes away from what I am talking about here. I am talking about personal choices. Not the religious aspects.

Many people find Christmas incredible stressful. And a lot of people are very depressed around this time. I find it incredibly sad that people need to feel pressured at this time to buy things that they cannot afford.

We need less pressure on the season and more togetherness, if you ask me.

Filed under: Rants